Oh my god!!! Why the hell cant they just let me be! I am 24 years old....I am the youngest of the adults in the house Yet I have to be the responsible one the one that has to answer all the fucking questions, know everything about everything and be the therapist, the Judge to settle disputes, I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING..Yet I am mocked...ridiculed....teased....like im nothing more than their toy that they use to do what they want with...My family is horrid, disgusting pieces of shit. I hate every single one of them with the exception of my niece but even she is getting on my last nerve...which is saying something! I have become the most patient and understanding person in the world and still my family can push every single button until I want to kill them all....though how I refrain is beyond....Im tired annoyed and so depressed that I cant even think...sigh...that feels better .... a little.
]]>Sigh..I have always been bad at math, it is my Achilles.But college math makes my brains leak out of my head and pray for them to stay mush. I cant even think to write!!! I hate math...I hate my professor even more.
Later
So a lot of things have been happening lately some good and a little bad. Lets see I got new glasses, frame less and they are really cool and bring out my eyes lol. I only needed a slightly stronger prescription for my eyes yay! Not bad since I have not been to an eye doctor in 8 years lol. Lets see....ummmm....bought myself some new clothes, and shoes. I am going to get a make over this weekend and cut off all of my hair lol, get some highlights in it to cover up my early showing silver hair. I just discovered that my Notebook is H.D aaannnndddd it plays Blue-Ray dvds. Bad news....I still have a head ache from my new glasses, my parents are getting sued lol I think thats funny but what ever, I need to buy my brother a Birthday gift and I dont know what to buy and I hate my sister lol. So nothing too earth shatttering thank God. Need to go do some online browsing...This was just an update for those who care! Awesome
Later
Ladykind!
Queen of the Universe ! Conqueing planents since 1984 Bwhahahahahaha
The most interesting thing about my life lately is that I am finding more things amusing, and my mom has grown a different sense of humor. I casually mentioned to my father while we where traveling that I wanted to go to China. He said no and I said I will go where I want to so shut up. Lol the look on my family's face was amusing to say the least.I really do WANT to travel the world I just dont have the money to do it. Especially after tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be going to the eye doctor to get an exam and new glasses YAY me! It has been over damn......8years or so. The doctor will probably pronounce me blind tommorrow lol.
Another thing is that I have been buying myself new clothes and I am looking for a job...Because once I graduate from College I am going to owe a shit load of money...damn student loans! Why cant they just saay "Ok.Lets just not ask her for money after all she just graduated and all of that." Yay!
I wish I knew every language in the world. The fact of the matter is that yes I do want to know everything in the world and how everything works and operates....But I think my brain would explode. I have been thinking alot more lately and have realized that I have yet to truly LIVE....so I am going to do that...maybe by not knowing everything in the world but by being more then what I am.................Now that was deep! lol...
Ok so I decided there are some things I need to do and I wanted to make a list of things I need or want to do with in the next 5 years most of this is what I really do wish for or want:
Thats it for now lol...I loved doing this and I look forward to doing most of the things on this list! Things I have never done or been allowed to do in my 24 years of life!
Later lol
Ladykind
Well its been a little while since I last wrote hasn't it. Thinks have been complicated around here very complicated. For starters I have been busy with school work, working at my job, my father went into the hospital and I was told today that he was going to die....Yep, its been rather eventful. After everything that my father has put us through I didnt really know how to feel about the news. They said that he could die if his body rejects some injections he will be given soon. I was just...I dont know...I was like "Huh, ok." and that was it ....no sadness, no happiness, no shock, no heartbreaking sobs....nothing. Does it make me cold? Probably. Will I go to his funeral if he does die? No. I have already thought about all of these things for a long time now, I havent slept since he was admitted though. My sister is being a bitch, my mother is worrie, my brother and I just dont care...so it seems that to some of us my father died a long time ago. So I talked to one of my friends about it and I have to say that I feel a little lost. I havent visited him, I hate hospitals with so much loathing that you couldnt get me into one if I my self was dieing. So here I am. Writing all of this crap out hoping to have some kind of clarity or inspiration for how I should deal with all of this. My father has been abusive and ignorant and mentaly psychotic to our family, yet some think I should weep and pray and beg for him to come out of it......I dont think I will.
When my grandmother died I was in a shock. I loved her dearly, she was funny, sarcastic and loving. Then suddenly the cancer hit and she was dieing slowly and painfully. I didnt say a word, I didnt cry. I stayed numb, I supported my family, I cried for an hour in the shower and tried to commit suicide a few weeks later, noone had known. My grandmother had been a tall and strong woman. I thought she was invincable for a long time. She had survived two extremly abusive husbands that beat her sensless and raped my aunt....Yea, she was my idol. She never gave up she never stopped fighting, even as she was dieing in a hospital bed, she was still making jokes right before she passed on. Our family has dozens of skelentons hiding in the closets, and I know every single one of them and how they have effected my family. My father was the only boy of his family and hadnt been beaten or touched at all, he had been spoiled rotten, while his sisters and mother had suffered. Now he could die and I feel no remorse. No pain. Nothing...and to tell you the truth I am more pissed off then I thought I would be about this whole damn thing not that my father is dieing. I am pissed because everyone is making him out as som martyr, even my Aunts. "Oh he has been through alot" "Poor man, I will prey for him" I bite my tongue so hard that it draws blood and rage courses though me I want to hit them, tell them he deserves nothing! But I wont. It would be wrong and inappropriate. Tch.....how many lies has that bastard told them over the years, how often has he called or visited them when they where sick! None...
When his own mother had been injured severly I was the one there taking care of her. I cleaned for her, cooked for her, bathed her, dressd her, stayed with her and I did so happily and with our complaint. He never said a word. Bastard!!!!!! God help him if he does die...I will show nothing at all. I will probably be happy more than sad for in the end our family might just start being a family.
I am tormented right now. I should feel sad, I should feel scared and I cant feel anything at all and that frightens me more than anything else I suppose. Well I go to hell for these feelings? Am I wrong? I just dont know anymore. I just dont know!!!
I hate models...no I take that back I despise those brittle thin women that make it their lives work to make women of other various sizes feel bad about themselves. All women should know that if they are healthy then that is all that truly matters, if they want to get toned and all that then they should do it for themselves and not for the type of person that they are sexually attracted to. I can't understand why some women feel that it is necessary to mutilate their own bodies just to get the attention of someone else.
When women do that then young girls think that they should be that way too. Younger children look to the more mature people in their lives for guidance on what they should say, do and be in their own lives. Its like working from clay. They are there developing in their own ways but they will emulate other people in some ways then bend it or take it to different levels based on society and their own personal outlook of themselves. Soooo I have to ask this very important question:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH A WOMAN HAVING CURVES!!!!
I mean really! A woman does not have to be a skeleton in order to live in today's society and the damn press, models, actresses and MEN need to lay the fuck off of telling women HOW they should look! Pardon my French but this is just getting ridiculous. Women have been catering to men for so long that they forgot about themselves and how what they do to their bodies affects them. A woman does not need to be stretched, and injected with poison or fat, liposuction or any of that other crap to make them look "Sexy" "Hott" "Young" for men or for other women to be envious of.
Sometimes I am ashamed to be a woman in today's society! Women are letting themselves be manipulated into being something they are not. All of these surgery shoes, Extreme Makeovers and the like these people are fucking sick...I can understand if you have scars...if you are an abused victim or other serious medical situations but to just do it because your breast are not big enough or your hips are not small enough its just WRONG!!! W-R-O-N-G!! Doe people not know what that means! Depravity at its best!
So my little cousin is 12 years old and she told her mother that she was too FAT...She ways not even 90lbs and she says she is fat..WHEN asked why she said compared to some of the girls at school and the models she seen she is to fat...OH..MY..GOD...I started crying....I cant believe this sweet little girl is torturing herself for not being the ideal image TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
So I sat and suggest to her mother that they take her to see a nutritionist and a psychologist. Good heavens, she is 12 and its just wrong. What is wrong with women appreciating the bodies that have been given to them. My Aunt heaven help her, has so many medical problems and is in a wheel chair but damn it she never complains about her body she just wish she could be healthy...not skinny, not toned...nothing just Healthy...WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE SEE THAT BEING HEALTHY IS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS!
Ok...so I am a little ticked off right now...SO I will stop bitching and go to bed...I do have a bad cold after all...Goodnight everyone...Dont be afraid to bitch about the world...Heaven knows there are not enough people thinking about the self abuse we are doing to ourselves.
Passion, Romance, Love and Lust...All things that drives the human mind and body.What makes us choose our mates? How do we know that the one we are with is the one we want to marry and love forever? Maybe its what some scientist have said, that we target whom we are attracted to by their smell or certain fixated points that draws us to them. Do we truly see who we are with? Or do we just focus on their outward appearance?So we come to the point in our lives where we say "Its time to settle down." How do we break it all down to who would be the best father figure and husband, or vise versa.
Another thing is how do we chose the mate they will treat us as equals, as the loves of their lives, as human, and as sexual creatures....Breaking point....How and why do people treat other that they supposedly love so poorly or abuse them either mentally or physically? Why?
How are women and men supposed to find someone they can trust and love in a world filled with horror stories of this person killing another or abusing another that they where supposed to love?
So many questions with hardly any answers!
So as this Valentines day comes remember to love everyone equally, dont judge, and if you see someone in a relationship that is abusive help them get help!
Loads of Love,
Ladykind
]]>Yep, you read the title right, my final projects that make up most of my final grade are due and if I don't pass I loose my student loans and grants thus is why I am procrastinating like crazy. My final project for my Ethnics class is to write an Autobiography about Racism in my community from the first person perspective. And so far my friends for a project that is due in TWO DAYS!!! I have not written one freaking word!!!!!! lol I am sooo screwed...Oh well...lets see if this helps me some huh?
So I am sitting here at my computer looking over the Syllabus of what my paper has to cover and what this psycho of a teacher wants to know....and I want to find her and smack her with this stupid syllabus here is what the questions that need to be answered are:
Seriously, why for all that is good in this world, did I choose this stupid class....Some of those questions are just vague and silly...."Do members of your community look like you?" Well certainly 1/3 of the people that live here are my identical twins... I know I know..dont be silly there talking about race...and all that other crap...there are over 18,000 people that live here .....as far as I know then yes there might be some Native American/ German people here as well...I mean really. Geez..Ok so I am sitting here annoyed and trying to figure out how the hell I am suposed to compose this....freaking hell...sigh lol I better get to workk...just needed to vent
Ladykind
So? How are those resolutions going so far?
lol....hahahahahaha...Resolutions? lol...My resolutions didn't last 40 min. after I made them. I ate chocolate, ignored my tred-mill and I still have not cleaned my room...lol..yep..I suck at keeping resolutions!
]]>What's the best thing between two slices of bread?
Submitted by Eric.
The best thing in between two slices of bread is peanut butter and bananas. Make toast, while the bread is still all nice and hott smother it in the peanut butter and watch as it melts and gets all gooey, then add sliced bananas and there you go, heaven in the form of a sandwich drink ice cold milk with it and well you could moan in ecstasy lol.