2 posts tagged “family”

There is a magic in the air as Christmas draws achingly closer. Every year its the same with me, I don't sleep until Christmas Day, around noon. I have always been excitable when it comes to the Holidays whether it was Halloween Christmas or July 4th, I always get all chipper and excited. I think its because I since a time when family gets together or when friends gather to have fun. One doesn't get the chance to do this often.So as I sit here in my bedroom, ignoring my family I cant help but smile sardonically. I love the holidays and I LOVE my family....But sometimes its just to much having to put them together. Take for instance our family tradition of a Christmas Eve party with my dads side of the family. For as long as I could remember we had this tradition we would always go over to my grandmothers apartment and stuff the whole family into the tiny apartment and have copious amounts of fun. After my grandmother died we have been having it at my Aunts house out in the country, but we still have it. Then on Christmas Day, we go over to my Grandmothers house on my Moms side of the family. This house is filled to the brim with the most redneck type of people you could ever find. My mom has two older brothers and two younger brothers, she is the only girl. Then there is my cousins...all 56 of them..Shocked...not nearly as I was when the final figure came in. My Uncles have all been married (or not) so many times that they have breded  to many children. Then there are the distant cousins...Now my cousin Heather married this nice Hispanic man and has 4 children and one on the way....My cousin Kim has 6 children and is married to a nice Black man. Then their is my cousin Chris whom has a 8 month son. And the list goes on...Anyways besides family there is the friends of the family...A large Hispanic family that we love dearly, Two African American families whom we love dearly, My Uncle Dewayne's newest girlfriend and her family, and so on...So I usually try to avoid staying for too long. One, because I hate two members of that family, and Two, because I am not a fan of large crowd.

I would rather spend my Christmas Day hidden away at home with my immediate family. But whatever...The saddest thing about this year is that my church has pushed back the time of the Christmas Eve Service. To 10pm at night. I will be out in the country at that time, then after that I will be going to pick up my sister from work, then I have to bake cookies, and play SANTA for my niece lol, I love that part...Well I gotta go...I have forgotten some gifts and need to run to the store...Sigh...heaven help me .....MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

I guess my life has been easier than a lot of people out there in the world. I count my blessings and thank God everyday for what I have, yet life is still hard. Me and my family have a silent agreement between us. "You leave me alone and I will leave you alone" nice family huh? There have only been two people I have truly loved being around, my Grandmother and my brother. Oh sure I have a mother and a father and even an elder sister but....I don't like them and they return the favor. I loved my grandmother, and had hoped that she would lived forever, and I am sure that if she could have she would have lived for eternity. However she died of cancer in my senior year. I lost my grandmother and my best friend in the same year three months apart. Not long before my graduation. I had wept for weeks. I had loved spending time with my grandmother, she was a whole different person than my father (it was my fathers mother) I think in her own way my grandmother understood who I truly was and why I was the way I was. So then I was stuck with my parents....I hated that. My grandmother was understanding and crass and amazing. My parents thought I had a attitude problem and that I was lazy.My grandmother appreciated everything I did for her and loved me for it. She constantly told me that she loved me, my parents haven't said that they loved me since I was 7years old. Oh, dont get me wrong I love my parents I just dont like them. I would tell them my dreams and they did everything in there power to tare it down and destroy it. I was never allowed to date or go out with friends, no sleep overs or birthday parties. Nothing. My siblings got to do all of that stuff...my parents told me that it was for my own good that I stayed close to home. No they just wanted me to be there to take care of them and my siblings kids.....I am doomed to never have a life...I am 23years old and I am doomed to live in this hell. Im in college so moving out when you have student loans and no job is not possible...What would anyone else do? How do you survive when your parents constantly say "You owe us!" owe then what! I did the cleaning and the cooking I take care of my neice, I am there maid, cook, therapist, daughter, friend...and yet do they listen to my problems? Ask me how my day was? Ask me how college is going? NO! I dont even get one damn thank you! ....well there you have it folks...I started ranting again...if anyone actually reads this and has any advice...feel free to share.Thanks!