4 posts tagged “rant”

Yep, you read the title right, my final projects that make up most of my final grade are due and if I don't pass I loose my student loans and grants thus is why I am procrastinating like crazy. My final project for my Ethnics class is to write an Autobiography about Racism in my community from the first person perspective. And so far my friends for a project that is due in TWO DAYS!!! I have not written one freaking word!!!!!! lol I am sooo screwed...Oh well...lets see if this helps me some huh?

So I am sitting here at my computer looking over the Syllabus of what my paper has to cover and what this psycho of a teacher wants to know....and I want to find her and smack her with this stupid syllabus here is what the questions that need to be answered are:

• Do members of your community look like you? In what ways do they look the same or different?
  

•  How do leaders within your community treat people who are like you? How do they treat people who are different?
  

•  How do other members of your community treat people who are like you? How do they treat people who are different?
  

• Do your texts or work manuals contain information by or about people like you?

• Do the local media represent people like you? If so, in what ways?

•  What are some similarities and differences between you and the people who are leadership positions in your community? Do you feel minority group interests are  represented within your community?
  

•  If you could resolve any inequities within your community, what would you change?How and why?
  

•  Which main concepts from the text relate to race? Apply some of these concepts to your project.

Seriously, why for all that is good in this world, did I choose this stupid class....Some of those questions are just vague and silly...."Do members of your community look like you?" Well certainly 1/3 of the people that live here are my identical twins... I know I know..dont be silly there talking about race...and all that other crap...there are over 18,000 people that live here .....as far as I know then yes there might be some Native American/ German people here as well...I mean really. Geez..Ok so I am sitting here annoyed and trying to figure out how the hell I am suposed to compose this....freaking hell...sigh lol I better get to workk...just needed to vent

Ladykind

So I was talking to my father the other day when he told me I was going to hell...Lovely man isnt he? All I said was that everyone was entitled to believe in what ever they want, to be free to make there own choices, and that I wasn't going to judge someone just because they where gay or a different race or anything like that. So my father sneered at me and said...and I quote "You should't speak to me like that! I am your father and if I say for you to jump you are to do what I say, I don't care how old you are. You should repent to God, even though its to late for you. You will be in hell for the way you think" I was suprised that my father would go that far, not overly suprised, but surprised non the less. So my father is a sexist, biggitist,racist and facist. I will still go to church and worship God, but I will not take part in praying near my father, if I am talking about church,God, women or anthing of the like I will stop talking when he enters the room. My mother told him that he had gone to far, that he was beging to push me away. My fathers response was that he didnt care that he was my father and that I should think the way he thinks. My mother smaked him, and I laughed. My father is not a violent man but he can break your soul and heart with words. He has always been like that really. He went from being a gambler to being a control freak about everything else...I hate to say it but I dont like him at all.

My mother told me to forgive and forget, I told my mother no. After all I have turned the other cheek to many times to count and I will not turn the cheek again. Trying to talk in my family is hard enough, breaking down and not speaking about what the conversation is about means that I hardly talk to my family at all now. Sad, but true.. Unfortunatley I made the promise of going to my parents church this comming Sunday...now I am dreading it....I think I will find a new church and start going there instead. I do not like our current church, ther snobbish and cruel...also completly white excluding my family. We are all American Indian, well at least half. My father is a very dark man, so is my brother but my sister, mom and I are all lighter then those two. lol...we look wierd. We have alot of spanish friends and hang around with them so the natural assumption is that we are mexican or cuban...nope! I dont know a word of spanish. I know some french and Italian. and even a little Chinease but no mexican.

But I am off subject....So it appears that I am going to hell....Ok then...If I am already destined to go to hell, then my father must be on there mvp list.lol....I am 23 still a virgin, I dont believe is sex before marriage, I dont drink or do drugs, and I have never been in trouble with the police or Government. If I am going to hell though it would stand to reason that I should just go crazy and break every rule I can get my hands on to does it not?But I wont...my mother raised me to damn well. It dosnt mean I wont cuss, or anything It just means that I will be more loose with the rules then I used to be....after all if I am going to hell, might as well do something to deserve being there in the first place huh?

Why cant people take a joke? I mean, do they have to be so serious all of the time? It was silly really I was playing a game on Pogo.com and suddenly I went bankrupt. I was laughing my butt off at how silly it was and I shared my opinion in the chat. This guy pipes up and says that's what I get for me selfish...I took it and laughed it off and replied that he was an ass...in a joking manner, after all he did start the little banter we had going. Then suddenly he is all ticked off calling me names and everything else, then he said " no wonder your immature your only 23" and I was like wow...what a fucktard...ok I know thats not a word but whatever. So I am ticked off and he is ticked off for no damn reason.. So I just leave because the guy keeps on insulting my intelligance. So I have to ask.."Why do people have to be soo serious and take offence to every little thing?" Its like when I commented to a person that I was not voting for Obama this election. Suddenly the guy is calling me a racist and a facist and other names that would make Satan blush. Am I not allowed to have an opinion at all? I mean good for them, there voting for whom they feel confident in to be the president, so am I. So why diss me for voting for McCain? Its like saying everyone is entitled to free speech and opinions and to vote for whoever they want...YET....If I do not vote for Obama I am being racist? How the fuck does that make sence??? Is it not hypocritical to say one thing but then slam someone just because they disagree with you? Or is our country simply filled with morons? I am not insulting Obama, I just dont like his view and opinions and I want to vote another way....yet I am slammed for it......So here I am sighing my head off muttering Good Grief at the stupidity of the human race. "You are southern so naturally you must be racist"...gee thats not slander,biast, or assumpitous. I mean really...who in the devil says things like that....Ok so my friend Taryn whom is black is southern too so naturally she must also be racist against blacks as well....I am sure she will get a kick out of that.So we come to the cross-roads, when does the judgmental settlement of ideals come from...why do people feel the need to degrade others simply for there standpoints and beliefs....I am a christian so natuarlly I must hate athiest...No I dont. I love athiest, I love arguing with them on Philiosophy and ideals...On life and God...I love talking to them about God and why I feel the way I do...I love it when they get angry at my beliefs...and at how they say I am pushing my beliefs on them when I am not....its all silly really...so I sigh again and mutter good grief while I fight to believe in what I want....But apparently in America the home of the free, a Country built on the foundations of God,I am wrong.....

I do know that noone will read this...because I did talk about God....It scares people for some reason...Noone simply wants to stop and evaluate why someone feels a certain why of why they dont...Or that maybe that person has a right to have there opinion and beliefs....Just How I would love to sit and talk to a person of the Jewish faith....I would love to sit and talk with someone whom is Buddist...I love Religons and I really love people whom are faithfull to there ideals and beliefs...I am no saint as you can see from my sporadic cussing...but I do still have faith in my ethics,belifs and so on....In so in fact that I am 23 years old and still a virgin. Why? You ask....well Its simple really I dont believe in sex before marriage...Its just that simple...I will not lower myself to others standards...lol I will talk more on that latter....Bye for now...

I guess my life has been easier than a lot of people out there in the world. I count my blessings and thank God everyday for what I have, yet life is still hard. Me and my family have a silent agreement between us. "You leave me alone and I will leave you alone" nice family huh? There have only been two people I have truly loved being around, my Grandmother and my brother. Oh sure I have a mother and a father and even an elder sister but....I don't like them and they return the favor. I loved my grandmother, and had hoped that she would lived forever, and I am sure that if she could have she would have lived for eternity. However she died of cancer in my senior year. I lost my grandmother and my best friend in the same year three months apart. Not long before my graduation. I had wept for weeks. I had loved spending time with my grandmother, she was a whole different person than my father (it was my fathers mother) I think in her own way my grandmother understood who I truly was and why I was the way I was. So then I was stuck with my parents....I hated that. My grandmother was understanding and crass and amazing. My parents thought I had a attitude problem and that I was lazy.My grandmother appreciated everything I did for her and loved me for it. She constantly told me that she loved me, my parents haven't said that they loved me since I was 7years old. Oh, dont get me wrong I love my parents I just dont like them. I would tell them my dreams and they did everything in there power to tare it down and destroy it. I was never allowed to date or go out with friends, no sleep overs or birthday parties. Nothing. My siblings got to do all of that stuff...my parents told me that it was for my own good that I stayed close to home. No they just wanted me to be there to take care of them and my siblings kids.....I am doomed to never have a life...I am 23years old and I am doomed to live in this hell. Im in college so moving out when you have student loans and no job is not possible...What would anyone else do? How do you survive when your parents constantly say "You owe us!" owe then what! I did the cleaning and the cooking I take care of my neice, I am there maid, cook, therapist, daughter, friend...and yet do they listen to my problems? Ask me how my day was? Ask me how college is going? NO! I dont even get one damn thank you! ....well there you have it folks...I started ranting again...if anyone actually reads this and has any advice...feel free to share.Thanks!